whenever i see people talking on cell phones in a foreign language it seems strange to me for a second that the cellphones work with other languages.
when i cross the street and there is a walk button, i press it many times, thinking it can detect how intensely i want to get to the other side of the street.
when i am on the 43 going towards UCSF and standing up i look at the good seats facing forward and try to figure out who looks sick and stand next to them.
my cat has taken to licking the water out of the tub, and today jumped in the shower and got rained on for a second without caring. she even licked the tub for a second.
there is nothing i care about that much so i think i'll never get a tattoo.
sometimes i think i can't be myself if i don't know who i am.
things that are supposed to be fun, like parties or sunny days, sometimes make me depressed.
i have fun when i'm doing something i'm not supposed to.
i've stood on my roof by myself and dropped pennies on strangers.
i wish there was porn where people loved each other.
when i check the news and nothing bad has happened i feel dissapointed.
sometimes i think terrorism is exciting.
i wonder if dying is worse than we imagine it to be.
i think i will marry the first girl who asks.
i wonder if parents love their children because they do or because they are supposed to.
if i was telepathic i'd constantly tell people what they wanted to hear.
if i ever became an astronaut and went to the moon, i imagine when i came back i'd be really arrogant.
one time my brother tried out to be in this porn and he said he had to shave all the hair off his body and told me how painful it was to shave his balls. the next day i got really bad razor burn with my new razor and then remembered about him shaving the hair off his body.
It's better to start of the day with false hope so at the end you are dissappointed rather than depressed.
People who whistle piss me off and I imagine hurting them.
I used to own only two movies, "Back to the Future" and "The Road Warrior." so i have memorized them.
My mom told my brother about sex after watching an episode of Webster, but made me sit in the other room and I listened at the crack in the door, and it was horrifying to hear my mom use the words penis and vagina.
They then put "the growing up book for boys" on top of the toilet and on one page there was a testicle chart that you were supposed to lay your testicles on to see how far along you've come, but i'd always imagine my brother had put his testicles on the book so i never tried it.
when I was a kid my friends and I found an injured bat so we decided to put it out of it's misery by throwing a slab of concrete onto it. They asked me to do it. I threw the slab onto the bat and it started screaming even louder, and it was smashed to pieces and still alive. I smashed it again and it died.
during that same period, when we found some bullets, we threw rocks onto the bullets hoping they'd explode and they didn't.
sometimes when I see a cute girl say hi to me i think she is a drag queen.
I make more flashcards than I use.
I cry when I read sad poetry or read sad books or listen to sad music or watch sad movies.
I am 26 and single and feel kind of stupid like I should be married by now but when I see the people who are married I am glad that I am single.
The other day I pictured a suicide bomber blowing up a trolley car and thought it was funny.
I have a feeling that the people who say they prefer sex to love are lying.
I always wanted a Power Wheel but now it is too late.
I used to be in love with Paula Abdul and I recorded "Straight Up" on a vcr tape and my brother found it and made fun of me endlessly.
If my brother is with my cousin Amanda I feel like I am in a time warp and they can make fun of me all over again like I am a kid and I can't snap out of it, I can't remember how old I am.
it is better to live than to die, even when life is bad.
i get up in the middle of the night to check my myspace. when i see i have no new messages, i check my sent messages to see if they have been read. if they've been read and not replied to i have a hard time going to bed because i feel i've said something offensive. this all takes place at 4 am in this half asleep haze.
i'm more afraid of doing something wrong than i am afraid of not doing something right and that makes me kind of a coward. i need to change that.
one day i want to take a fashion class so i know how to dress and for someone to tell me exactly what to wear because i am not an individual i am a phantom i have no clue what i am doing, if i were to dress like i feel i would be wearing sack cloth and ashes. but i can picture myself in a suit looking condescending.
don’t know how to jog. i bought running shoes once but i would run in front of a mirror and think it looked wrong. one day i broke down and ran to the beach and felt stupid and almost vomited because i sprinted the whole way.
i want to learn computer programming so i can learn why the books are so thick.
when i read helen keller’s “story of my life” i kept fantasizing about sleeping with her.
when i see earthworm’s trapped on the sidewalk i pick them up and put them back on the grass.
one time riding my bike home from work after a rain there were so many earthworms i didn’t pick one up and it tore me apart and i kept thinking that sidewalks are a bad invention.
whenever i’m on an escalator going down i picture my shoelaces getting caught and then my leg getting ripped off. every time i picture this.
i don’t know why there are so many computer programming languages.
i wonder if robots will write better than humans.
the other day i wore no underwear while doing laundry and it made me feel like a deviant.
i would say no to an orgy because it’s difficult to even talk to more than one person.
i wonder what the inside of a silk factory looks like.
sometimes when i look at a stranger on the bus i picture their parents having sex on the night of their conception.
when i ponder case and tense in italian i feel like einstein thinking about space and time in that i have to give up the ground i walk on.
if virtual reality existed i would have sex three quarters of my time and kill dragons one quarter of my time.
if i could breathe underwater i would never get used to it.
if i was a bird i’d be afraid to fly too high and i’d always fly close to ledges.
when i am stressed out i imagine what would happen if i vanished in a puff of smoke.
i wonder if the girls on the internet who have sex with animals end up in mental hospitals.
i wonder how much someone gets paid to have experimental brain surgery done on them.
sometimes i try to imagine what women think about during sex and can’t.
sometimes i wonder if i was gay what movie stars i would be attracted to. i think leonardo dicaprio and that elf from lord of the rings. and maybe bruce willis but maybe that’s just because i think he’s awesome.
i have two recurring dreams. in one i play the trumpet again. in another i have a paper route and i am the age i am now and even though people make fun of me i am happy because i can walk around and take my time and day dream and spy on people in their windows.
i want to go to war and kill people so when i came back and people ask me about the war i can tell them i can’t talk about it. i also think people might take me more seriously.
sometimes i think we are nothing but atoms and the universe was an accident.
sometimes i think i am wrong.
when i was a kid i wrote a letter once that started, “Dear Physicist: I want to see an atom bomb blow up…” but I wasn’t sure where to send it.
if someone says, “i love you” to me, even if they don’t mean it, i usually fall in love in return in about two days after thinking about it.
sometimes when i have insomnia i picture this teacher i had laying next to me and i can sleep. i picture her in her t-shirt and jeans. we don’t do anything, or even spoon. she’s just laying there. i remember one day i told her that i wasn’t sure what i wanted to do with my life, and she told me to come to office hours, but i was afraid to. but then one day i ran into her in the park and she was by herself and she told me about life as the sun was going down on her face and ever since then i feel like she is warm as sunlight and i pretend i don’t see her because i think i might smile too much.